Passing through the gate at the end of Braggs Lane the other day I noticed the logging monsters were at it again ripping out more conifers from both sides of the path. Now I know we are used to this and can appreciate how quickly the wood recovers from the apparent devastation that only modern forestry can provide. We are regularly told by the BBC propaganda department that an area either the size of Wales or a football pitch is being removed daily from somewhere on the planet, I decided to try and find out where all the wood from our woods goes.
Being a bit of a daydreamer I liked to imagine that the conifers were dragged out of the forest and transported to some sunlit glen where artisans turn the raw material into beautiful furniture, log cabins and spoons for elves or something.
The cynic in me said it is more likely Ikea furniture.
The reality was a little different, what I did learn though was that most of the conifers were planted around 1960 and are ready for harvesting about now anyway, which kind of clouds the issue of turning the forest back to its natural broad leaved state. Was evil capitalism at play? Were the butterflies and ponies just a shield? Was this just a sinister plot to rape our forest of its riches and leave the people to be blinded to the real intention? Kind of like having an open cast forestry mine in our midst with zero complaints? What megalomaniac mastermind was behind this evil plot? We need answers people and we need them now!
Obviously when you pass into the underworld of the stinking belly of capitalism and start asking probing questions of the woodland people you are taking on a number of risks. Naturally my research had to be carried out in utmost secrecy and led me across many continents and split derivative secondary trade markets of Eastern Asia as well as the opium dens of Walderslade. I adopted many aliases and passports to keep myself safe from the organisation I now know as the Butterfly People.
Whisper it quietly as their secret is out, the Butterfly People, you know who they are, those that cover their activities with a logo containing a butterfly or a tree, a dragon fly or a small bird for they are evil, ruthless and dangerous.
Anyway, this is the shocking truth of where the wood goes from our beloved home lands:
The majority goes into the construction industry for roof trusses and timber
The second most common use packaging and pallets
The third is fencing and outdoor use
But the fourth and most sinister is described chillingly as "other"
Other as we know is where the butterfly people hide the truth, other is clubs for baby seals, other is the riot sticks used for oppression all over the world, other is for tooth picks for rich tax cheating plutocrats living in Monaco. Dear reader I put it to you that other is a code word for the real meaning and that is pure evil.
Logging monsters indeed...
